I came to a realization yesterday. The early onset of decompression has initialized. It has taken two months to get to this point. Not sure why. It is hard to explain to those who have not experienced a transition for a long period of time. I am just now beginning to sense a liberty to dream more freely about other possibilities.
Why should that concern you? Not sure. If it doesn’t, I am sure you have moved on from this post by now anyway, which is likely for the best. It is sure to frustrate those who prefer the relative safety of certitude over wrangling with ambiguous investigative tradecraft.
But someday. perhaps sooner than you think, you may find yourself in that space where much of what you have known is uprooted from your daily routine. I have been through this before in terms of employment, and a few times as it relates to church life. Having resigned from my church a couple of months ago I now find myself on this strange journey, going to a land which I do not know, asking God for his direction, willing to be and do what he requires of me, though it may cost me far beyond what I can offer from my own resources.
It is a season of hopeful discontent. I peer into the margins and I discover that it invites me through the bramble of its perils, filled with unanswered questions and concern that I am not up to the challenges. I look back to the center of perceived safety and I realize I no longer belong as a sojourner. What to do? Straddle the worlds as if one foot is in the boat and the other is on the dock? Choose either the boat or the dock? Or forget the boat and the dock and leap into the depths? Maybe each of those is a false choice.
I do know this. I shall continue to move forward, anchored by commitment to Jesus and Scripture, and seeking ways to be faithful to him, particularly as I enter into friendships with others whom he misses most.