Clark Kent (Might as well go for name recognition)
Married to Lois Lane (Again name recognition, plus she holds down a consistent job so we don’t have to pay Clark as much. She doesn’t play piano but we will forgive her for that THIS time since her work ethic will come in handy doing all the extra stuff we will expect of her as a sort of unwritten contract) This just as easily could be reversed with Lois fulfilling the Children’s Pastor role and Clark in a support role. If you would like to offer feedback on this please contact the Daily Planet Editorial Section.
Personal qualifications: The energy of a twenty year old and the wisdom of an eighty year old.
Personal Appearance: Must look dignified in a way that relates to children, is acceptable to parents, is approvable by church leadership, is not too threatening to other church staff. Must wear clothing made with own hands so as to represent frugality, industriousness and freedom from the temptation to wear designer clothing.
Hair style will be evaluated monthly by an anonymous focus group of otherwise inactive church members. Adjustments must be implemented accordingly and immediately upon pain of public remonstration at the next public hearing.
Proven and demonstrable expertise (A PhD in each would be preferable) in the following disciplines:
Parenting
Husband-wife relationships
Bible, OT and NT
Education, specifically educational ministry and its application to church based educational programs.
Curriculum and instruction with particular emphasis on developing, writing and implementing context-sensitive curriculum specifically designed for the children of any designated ministry situation.
Human development, especially child development with a specialization in working with kids that have special needs. These may include but certainly are not limited to drug affected children, abused children, hyperactive children, children with ADD or ADHD, foster children, children with physical limitations, children of single parents (divorce, widowed, out of wed-lock), children of divorce and remarriage, latch-key children, children of pastors (yes this can represent a special need at times), etc.
Musician, preferably playing an instrument such as guitar or keyboards.
Vocalist.
Choir directing. (Preferably a lyricist and composer as well, so as to save money on purchasing new music)
Drama coach.
Set Designer
Artist (Drawer, painter, sculptor, etc)
Landscape Designer
Waste Management Architect
Nurse
Athletics: A rounded athlete with broad expertise in every sport conceivable.
Theologian (Able to apply theological truth on demand for every situation)
Philosopher
Puppeteer
Juggler
Illusionist
Missionary (Must apply missions principles to reach local neighborhood. A DMiss is acceptable for this requirement)
Clowning
Counselor
Project Manager
Event Planner (Especially large events)
Mentor (Especially mentoring emerging leaders as well as children)
Certified Train the Trainer
Accountant
An “and anything else the pastor tells you to do” resource implementation technician
A photographic memory (Must be able to remember every detail about the children and their families and adult leaders and their families.)
Required experience:
30 years experience growing a childrens ministry to a set number of children to be predetermined by the search committee.
No more than five years out of seminary so as not to be too far removed from training.
Minimum Education: MDiv (But what we really want is lots and lots and lots of practical expertise, the equivalent of which would be more PhDs than could be afforded at a major university).
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