Hey! I have an idea for contextualizing church in the urban environment where there is minimal parking, borrowing insight from the local drycleaning establishment in downtown Portland. Honk three times if you think it will work! But please remain in your car. We don’t want the parishioners mingling, you know.
You can pay your toll tithe in the nearby electronic ticket dispenser. The onscreen sermon will display your convenient five minute happy thought for the day, after which you can respond to the concluding invitation by honking your horn as follows: 1) honk once if you want to say amen to the preacher’s message; 2) honk twice if you want to make a life-changing commitment, whereupon your car will be guided through the automatic carwash, symbolizing your decision; 3) honk three times if you want to go home now, whereupon the security gate will lift up and you will be allowed through to go about your business.
If you wait too long (five minutes) after the sermon is completed to honk your appropriate response, your car will be towed to the church Bookstore where you must purchase the preacher’s latest book on happy thoughts.
I wonder if a publisher will allow me to write a book on this innovation?